I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
