I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
