I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
