this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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