I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
