She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
