Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
