just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
