I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Who wears a wallet chain?!
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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