I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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