literally had 100 drinks last night.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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