i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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