You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
