what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
