no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
