I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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