It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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