omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
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