I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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