if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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