Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
