True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
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