I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
