Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
