i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
