Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
