She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
