I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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