his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
