i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
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