i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
