He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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