I wish I could teleport
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
