So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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