get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
