True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
