32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
