so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
