The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize
