I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
