What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
