I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
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