I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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