kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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