I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
