I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
