We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
