Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Randomize
