I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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