The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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