Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Randomize
